If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
