if i can run in heels then i can drive
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
