You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
