I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
