Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
