ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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