1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Actions speak louder than pants.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
