i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize