Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
sex in a hospital.. check
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
