Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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