I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
