He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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