Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
