We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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