see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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