Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
