you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
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