did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
