Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
