:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
