I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
