Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
