My room smells like vodka and shame
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize