I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
