I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize