if only i could text you this smell
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
