if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
