peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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