the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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