i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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