I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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