i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize