I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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