i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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