saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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