i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
