PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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