Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
