I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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