She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Are my feet made of real feet?
We had to coat check the pizza.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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