Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize