He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
