How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
