at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
