3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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