Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
