My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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