who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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