For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
