I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Mom said you looked used
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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