I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
