yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
