Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize