Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
