Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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