Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
