fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
