Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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