Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
