Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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