Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
