I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
