Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
