It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize