I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
