I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
