Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
