Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
