jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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