I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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