Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
