i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
