Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
They are going to name an STD after you.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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