How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize