Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
