This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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