The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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