1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
