wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize