I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize