Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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