After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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