i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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