i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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