You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
