You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
