its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
