It's like a parade of train wrecks.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
