Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
