2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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