I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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