Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
