someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
