I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
