You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize