a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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